Waiting on a house

So Doug and are looking at house and we are going through a company called ownerwiz.com. I am hoping the company is not a scam! I have not given them any money yet so that is a plus but They never seem to call or e-mail me after I have called or e-mail them. There is one house that I really like and which I would really like to get into but I feel like the process is taking forever.  The house is in Coon Rapids and has 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, it would be enough room for all the boys to have their own room. There is also a full basement which means even more room. Doug and I went the other day to look at the house and the neighbor was outside so we talked to him for a bit and he said the house has been sitting empty for 18 months.  I am trying to stay positive and say if it is meant to be than it will happen, but if not than we will look at something else.  I look back on my adult life and with the exception of a few years I have lived with my parents most of it. I had a house at one time and I lost it, again I try to stay positive and say that the house was not meant to be, I let Doug follow his dreams and when it didn't work out we made the best of a bad situation. I have a happy life I have three children that I am proud of and I love them more than I can ever say. I have a husband who puts up with my stuff and who loves me and who after 11 years of marriage I still want to be with.  Looking back at my childhood and what I thought my life would be like I never thought I would be married with 3 children, a dog, a chinchilla , and a ton of fish and still living at home at 35. I also never thought I would still be in school at 35 and not know what I was going to do for a job. I have worked in group homes my entire adult life and I am very good at it, however I don't know if it is really what I was meant to do, I where my heart on my sleeve and even though I act bad and tough I really am not and getting to know the individuals and bringing them into my heart and then leaving them breaks it. I still wish that I could go back a year to October of last year and talk to myself and say don't get so wrapped up in this one death that you lose everything you have worked for. Well now I have really gone off course with this one haven't I? Going back to waiting on a house. Since I have started the process and have put it into full swing I find myself getting more and more anxious every day, I am having a hard time eating and sleeping and I have lost more weight, I go to bed at night reflecting on my life and wondering if it will ever begin.  I just want a house to call my own to paint the color I want to paint it, to plant the flowers that I want to plant, to mow the lawn when I want to and how I want to. I want to sit with Doug, John, David, and Mateo and have dinner and watch TV, and play in the backyard with them. I want something to call my own. Yes I know I could do all of that here but it is not the same, I didn't work for this house, and I didn't choose the color of the paint, It was all chosen on the taste of other. I am not saying my parents are bad I am just saying I want my own house with my own things.  I get very sad thinking about not being able to do that Doug has said if we don't get a house than we will rent but that does not make me feel better I will still be going on other peoples taste I won't be able to put my own touch into it. I have been a good person and I feel it is time for the good karma to come my way. Please just let us buy a house and be a family!