Waiting on a house

So Doug and are looking at house and we are going through a company called ownerwiz.com. I am hoping the company is not a scam! I have not given them any money yet so that is a plus but They never seem to call or e-mail me after I have called or e-mail them. There is one house that I really like and which I would really like to get into but I feel like the process is taking forever.  The house is in Coon Rapids and has 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, it would be enough room for all the boys to have their own room. There is also a full basement which means even more room. Doug and I went the other day to look at the house and the neighbor was outside so we talked to him for a bit and he said the house has been sitting empty for 18 months.  I am trying to stay positive and say if it is meant to be than it will happen, but if not than we will look at something else.  I look back on my adult life and with the exception of a few years I have lived with my parents most of it. I had a house at one time and I lost it, again I try to stay positive and say that the house was not meant to be, I let Doug follow his dreams and when it didn't work out we made the best of a bad situation. I have a happy life I have three children that I am proud of and I love them more than I can ever say. I have a husband who puts up with my stuff and who loves me and who after 11 years of marriage I still want to be with.  Looking back at my childhood and what I thought my life would be like I never thought I would be married with 3 children, a dog, a chinchilla , and a ton of fish and still living at home at 35. I also never thought I would still be in school at 35 and not know what I was going to do for a job. I have worked in group homes my entire adult life and I am very good at it, however I don't know if it is really what I was meant to do, I where my heart on my sleeve and even though I act bad and tough I really am not and getting to know the individuals and bringing them into my heart and then leaving them breaks it. I still wish that I could go back a year to October of last year and talk to myself and say don't get so wrapped up in this one death that you lose everything you have worked for. Well now I have really gone off course with this one haven't I? Going back to waiting on a house. Since I have started the process and have put it into full swing I find myself getting more and more anxious every day, I am having a hard time eating and sleeping and I have lost more weight, I go to bed at night reflecting on my life and wondering if it will ever begin.  I just want a house to call my own to paint the color I want to paint it, to plant the flowers that I want to plant, to mow the lawn when I want to and how I want to. I want to sit with Doug, John, David, and Mateo and have dinner and watch TV, and play in the backyard with them. I want something to call my own. Yes I know I could do all of that here but it is not the same, I didn't work for this house, and I didn't choose the color of the paint, It was all chosen on the taste of other. I am not saying my parents are bad I am just saying I want my own house with my own things.  I get very sad thinking about not being able to do that Doug has said if we don't get a house than we will rent but that does not make me feel better I will still be going on other peoples taste I won't be able to put my own touch into it. I have been a good person and I feel it is time for the good karma to come my way. Please just let us buy a house and be a family!

Kayaking on Rice Creek!

OMG! What can I say about my First Kayaking trip in my own Kayak of the year?  #1 It was a lot of fun I laughed more today than I have in a long time. Life has gotten into a rut of me staying up too late and sleeping in and then rake leaves out of the woods just to burn because I need to do something to keep my mind from fretting about what is going on in my life.  #2 it was a little scary this was the first time I have ever flipped my Kayak and I did it more than once today. #3 I feel as though I have maybe gained new friends, when I first agreed to go on this kayaking trip I was not sure I would be comfortable because the only time I have hung out with Michelle is when I have been drinking. But I was not uncomfortable at all (maybe because we could keep our kayaks from flipping.) Janelle and I also got along really well which was also nice. #4 I lost my paddle and had to get out early because I could not go down the river without a paddle. (So I was up SHIT Creek without a paddle)! #5 for a short time I was worried about Michelle and Janelle because I had to swim a head and get my Kayak that I had pushed out from under a log and it started to float away. I kept yelling trying to make sure they were ok which means a few different things. I actually like them and don’t want them to get hurt, or I just didn’t want to go to bed with a death on my mind. This kayak trip will live on in my memories as the most adventurous kayaking trip that is until the next one. By the way mom I am not ready to do the rapids in Colorado

Long time since last post!

So much has changed since my last post, I have thought about posting a lot I just have not because when I think about it, it is usually in the middle of the night when I am supposed to be sleeping.  I left my Job at LSS after 5.5 year on June 9^th and I miss it so much I wish I could go back and see the individuals but I just don’t think I should, I didn’t leave in a bad way but I also don’t feel it was a good way either. I dream about them a lot and it wakes me up in the middle of the night which I don’t like.

June 27^th Doug, John David Mateo and I went to MI to see my sister and his parents, I had a very good time, it was nice to be out of MN for a while. We went to Kensington beach one night for a BBQ and caught up with people we had not seen in years. David, Mateo and I spent a lot of time on the beach in Ludington which was a lot of fun.

July was uneventful but short by time I knew it, it was August. Mateo had an appointment at Gillette’s children’s in late July for leg and hip pain but the doctor could not find anything wrong. So we have a return appointment in 6 months to check to see if his legs are still growing right. At the appointment they told us he was in the 8% for his height and 1% for weight, so I guess he will always be my little toad.

The beginning of August brought my dad losing his job, putting the house up for sale and Doug and I looking for a home. My dad losing his job is a blessing in disguise Doug and I are ready to move out and be a family just the two of us and the boys. By sealing this house and moving because we have to is a good thing.